List to Get Things Started

To kick things off on this thing, here's a list of things that piss me off - posted awhile ago on an old blog:

1) bad drivers or people who drive slow in a big city
2) idiot bicyclists in the city who think they own the roads and forget that when their dumb ass gets hit by a car, the car always wins
3) indoor sunglass wearers
4) dark-outside sunglass wearers
5) people who don't say please or thank you
6) guys who grab a girl's ass, boobs, or crotch in a bar thinking that'll get them anywhere (I would say girls who grab guys, but let's be honest here, that usually gets the girls somewhere)
7) people who create drama in others' lives - keep that sh-t to yourselves
8) tourists who walk around Chicago like they own the place - your NASCAR and Harley t-shirts scream that you're not from around here, so act like you're grateful that we welcome you to our city
9) illegal immigrants who demand rights from this country like they deserve a damn thing - how bout this, I break into your house, steal your stuff, eat your food, have sex with your wife, then I get to stay at your house as long as I want...because really, that's what you're doing
10) bikers on Harleys who need to gun their engines as loud as possible...because these morons don't realize that aside from other bikers or inbred, redneck, mullet-having, I-have-sex-with-my-brother-because-I'm-a-poor-excuse-for-a-female type of girls, no one's impressed with their retarded bikes and how loud they are
11) guys who still wear jorts (jean shorts)...double points if the jorts are frayed
12) jealous and insecure people
13) guys who tan as much as girls do and look as unnaturally tan as some girls...God you guys suck at life - it's unfortunate that some people are going to draw inspiration from Jersey Shore and make GTL a cornerstone of their daily lives
14) people with no sense of humor - how do you go through life like this?
15) ultra-sensitive people who are offended by anything that's remotely un-PC (Al Sharpton is the leader of these clowns) - the world would be a much better place if we all relaxed and learned to laugh at ourselves...and each other.
16) people who are about as fun as a punch in the face...general statement, but I've met too many to count
17) people who paste cutout Nike, Oakley, or any other logos on their cars. Judging by the '91 Dodge Caravan you're driving, I think it's pretty safe to assume you're not sponsored by Nike. Maybe you're sponsored by the company that makes fake Oakleys, still doesn't mean you can have that O in your window. This also includes Chinese characters. You don't see Asian people pasting the English alphabet on everything, and I'm sure they think English is pretty cool...so why don't you boners stop doing the same with Chinese?
18) Fat people who blame it all on genetics - no big guy/girl, chances are you're fat because more went in one end than that which came out the other end...it's simple arithmetic.
19) Guys with earrings, or any other piercings...because a) the only "expressing" of yourself that you're doing is expressing to the world that you suck at life and have nothing going for you except for that stupid thing in your ear and b) the earring was MAYBE cool back in the 90s, and even then only Elton John or professional athletes could pull it off. Are you Elton John? Because I'm pretty sure you're not a pro athlete. Maybe you should French roll your jeans, wear slap bracelets and rock out to Milli Vinilli while you're at it (NOTE: cartilage rings double the douchebaggedness of the person)
20) speaking of d-bags, hate hate hate with a passion people who pop their collars (doubly hate those who wear polos made exclusively for the collar to be popped - i.e. the "Prepster" polos)
21) hippies and hipsters...haaaaate them both
22) people who drive Pontiac Azteks...if ever a car and its driver rode in on the short bus, this is it...in front, next to the bus driver, not even one of the cool kids in the back with the window rolled down past the line. Even the marketing people involved with this car belong on that bus. What was their sales pitch? That you could pitch a tent INSIDE the car and camp out in there. (Click here) I guess if you're driving into the wilderness only to camp out inside your car...then you WOULD choose to buy an Aztek wouldn't you genius?
23) Ed Hardy t-shirts - let's be honest, if you like these shirts, you already have a bad sense of style and try too hard to be cool...you think that, because the t-shirts cost $50 to $100, "if it's expensive and some celebrities wear it, it must be cool." Don't get me wrong, I own my fair share of expensive clothing, but there's no possible way any sane, self-confident, non-short bus riding person could possibly think Ed Hardy t-shirts look good. It's unfortunate that Jersey Shore probably re-energized the brand.
24) People who don't understand simple things the first or second time it's explained to them, then get pissed when you point out that they still don't get it - not my fault you're dumb...so stop acting like it is
25) Prolonged and excessive public displays of affection - any PDA is bad enough, but why is it that it's almost always the unfortunate-looking ones who do it? They shouldn't be doing anything remotely bordering on procreation
26) D-bag looking kids with long hair who wear band t-shirts and try to look like rockers when their musical talent is about as good as a fat kid's ability to pass on dessert - these same kids are usually the offspring of the unfortunate-looking folks mentioned in #25
27) Parents of the aforementioned kids from #26 - who the hell lets their kids turn out that way?
28) Barbed wire tattoos - don't know how I forgot to put this on the list until now, but man, unless you're Brian Urlacher, if you have one of these you're an f-ing douche...end of story
29) People who walk into a building's elevator area that's already full of people waiting for the elevator while the Up button is lit and has clearly already been pushed ...yet these people still make it a point to push the button a couple more times - Hey Champ, do you think the Up button's lit for shits and giggles? Do you think we're all standing around the elevator playing ticklebutt? Why push the button again? If it was socially acceptable - and legal - I would slap you, because a punch would still be giving you too much respect
30) Guys who don't give firm handshakes. How did you live this long and not learn the importance of a firm handshake...especially in our case as men? Why do you think people assume you have no balls?
31a) BIG guys at the gym who grunt excessively when lifting - I've noticed that 95% of the big guys who do the most grunting are the bodybuilder looking types...let's face it fellas, you were never athletic and never in your life were you good at anything requiring coordination, speed, or agility of any kind (as in...all sports) so we all know that lifting until you have pecs and calves the size of Heidi Montag's new boobs is the crowning "athletic" achievement of your life...but still, let's keep it down with the grunting buddy. You might like to call yourself an "athlete," but you're not...because what do you do? You push the weights...then what? Oh snap, then you pull the weights. Can you do anything else? No? What a shame...guess you're not athletic. Not to mention, you look like someone Photoshopped your head on your body. Photoshop's often used for messing around, so it's not cool when you look like the product of messing around.
31b) Little skinny guys at the gym who grunt excessively when lifting - really, just stop it...it's funny but I'm embarrassed for you. Not only were you never athletic in your life, you don't even pass for a wannabe "athlete" like those mentioned in 31a. Here's a cardinal rule you should all stick to: When 50% of the women who are at the gym at any one time are faster, more agile, and stronger than you, you best keep that grunting to a minimum. You grunting's like a D-student bragging about being a doctor or lawyer one day. So turn it down a few notches there Squirt.
32) People at airport baggage claims who push past others just to stand right next to the carousel. If the baggage claim moves so fast that you feel the need to be on top of the carousel to have a legitimate shot at grabbing your bag on it's first pass...then you have bigger problems to worry about my friend. Besides, I have status and my bags come out before yours so you're getting in my way.
33) Adding to #22, a second car that likely rode the short bus to school...the Scion xB (click here to have a look) - If you're thinking about buying this car, here's an idea to save you 16-17 grand. How about an elephant takes a dump, you shape it into a box, paint it whatever color you like (I'll even rust-proof it for you), and put four wheels on it? You and I both know it's the same thing.